In autumn

autumn preserves

autumn preserves

Fairytale crescent
evening star twinkling
autumn sky windless

The brief experience to which this haiku points dates back almost a fortnight, but I’ve been waiting for it to crystallize – you know what I mean, don’t you? Having decided recently to release myself from a commitment to the 5-7-5 syllable count, I have nevertheless been fruitlessly attempting to reduce it. And it has been so long since my last post …

How would it be if I changed “sky” back to “air” (the way I had it at first) in the third line?

We’ve had heavy rain and some cool days lately, after weeks of Indian summer, but today’s forecast is for 23˚C in Wellington.

I ought to look out for some cheap fruit at the weekend market – I really enjoy bottling preserves and jam-making.

__________

The image comes from a piece titled Autumn Break on a blog called Foxs Lane.

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4 thoughts on “In autumn

  1. It is time for me to make a new jar of marmalade. Perhaps we can trade a jar of jam between us, I will commit to checking my jar is the same size as yours of course. 🙂

  2. Haikus are a lot harder to write than they seem to be.
    In my current Japanese seminar, we were challenged to do one. Traditional 575 or modern as-you-like-it — it was still hard. You’ve got 555 here, if I’m counting right. It gives one kind of effect. Making them even more different — say 574 — gives a different kind of effect.
    COMPLICATED! For what it’s worth (not very much), I wouldn’t like air better than sky in the line you’re questioning.

    • Thanks for looking in, Judith. My count for the middle line is seven – “e-ven-ing” + “star” + “twink-l-ing” … and I’ve firmed up my preference for “sky”. 🙂

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